A blog dedicated to encouraging children to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and mind by keeping them in the Word of God. (Deuteronomy 6 & Mark 12:30) The concept of whispering truths is important to impress them on our children without forcing it on them. God's Word is active, alive, and sharper than a two edge sword and can transform those who hear it all on its own! (Hebrews 4:12)
This book is a great resource to help teach your young children about God. It's been published with beautiful, child friendly color illustrations, a nice font, with large enough print for newer readers to read it independently, and it contains short snippets of theology at a young child's understanding level. I've included the table of contents and note to parents below, as well as images of the pages on the Last Supper and Why we go to church which would be great to use to explain your worship meetings with your children. I love the simple questions at the end.
Online articles about the book: Sunday School Zone is quickly becoming a favorite FREE resource for lesson special touches. It has story teaching pictures, coloring pages, lesson plans, two versions of preschool lesson plans, and a blog with all kinds of information. This book has two blog posts that you might find interesting. Parenting in the Pew starts Saturday night. One of the favorite tips is to keep Sundays simple. When our kids were little and my family lived out of town, we had grilled cheese and tomato soup on Sundays for lunch. We didn't worry about a fancy meal, and we could eat immediately after arriving home. Parenting in the Pew review It shares how practical, insightful, and parent oriented the book is. That she shares stories and talks about children who might be different from others who can sit. I agree with his review. Parenting in the Pew What I like about it:
Third revision and I've read the 2nd and 3rd and the book gets better.
Perspective of the author: "Daddy, I'd like you to meet my children."
Suggested approach: training our children to worship rather than working to have quiet children.
Author's definition of worship: "the surrender of our souls to a God who is jealous for our attention, time and love. Worship is a challenge With children it is a bigger challenge."... "We need to work at our worship."
"Worship is for God's glory, not my benefit."
The author sees children for who they really are: those who believe, can worship in spirit and truth, especially when given a purpose to praise and the truth is shared. Children make connections and find joy that adults often miss and can benefit us by helping us pay attention.
She's honest- worship is hard work, but it's important so you prepare for it the day before.
She encourages your view to be doing all that you can to help your child encounter God in worship during the worship service. And she offers very practical ideas to do this.
She includes strategies for music, prayer, and sermons. As well as thinking about baptism, the Lord's Supper, and the preparation and needs that children have to participate in these important biblical responses.
She is Word centered and that fits into her perspective, her strategies, and how she approaches the whole book.
What I'd think about changing:
including more strategies for those kids who need movement, help focusing with something in their hands, or ways to make worship purposeful with notes, coloring, activities since not all kids can be quiet without more supports, and some families have 4 or more children and need different ways to help kids learn, grow and thrive, as they can't whisper into six kids ears at the same time.
another author's perspective from a church that isn't as liturgical and has a different structure to the service.
discussion questions with the chapters
A Dad's perspective. A child's perspective.
stories of failed weeks, or when kids had to be removed, etc. What to say when you step out, etc.
Once you determine your children will be with you in the main meeting of your local church, you have to think about what to do, to make it the celebration and joyous time that you want it to be. And with children, that means thinking about what will help their attitudes be at their best and give it a chance. Here are some things that I have done, note some strategies are not good parenting strategies, but there are times, we choose what will work in the short term, over total heart change. But my strategies were around the kids basic needs, as well as the attempt to keep them learning, attentive, focused, and with a pleasant demeanor, not just children who are seen and not heard. These techniques help them want to be at church, and learn to listen. Food/Water 1) Currently two of my children bring a bottle of Pop (Soda) to church with them. We are in a body of believers that goes out of their way to have fun warm beverages for adults (teens, tweens, etc) and these are allowed in the auditorium. So spills are normal. It's a treat my kids enjoy and it helps set the mood that this is special. 2) When the kids were little, we often brought snacks into the meeting, sometimes even breakfast, depending on their eating routine. Sometimes we allowed them during the meeting, other times, we encouraged snack time to be during the break. We also brought water for each of us. 3) When we had special Sundays where the kids attended both meetings with the adults, and my husband was out of town, I one time handed out candy (the tiny square size or a two m and ms) if I looked around the row and the four children (ages 6, 7, 10, and 14) were sitting nicely and seemed focused, they got a piece- now it was an hour long meeting- so they maybe got 4 or 5 candies. But I remember how well they sat, how attentive they were, and now good natured they were when the meeting ended. We were the only happy, calm bunch in our section that day. It was worth it. Have I ever done it again. Nope. But sometimes it's what works not what's best. Focus/Engagement/Movement Depending on your child's age, learning style, personality, and needs, some kids can sit quietly and attentively with nothing in their hands, no coloring, no bible, etc. Other children need something to keep their hands occupied, and most children need something to mentally engage them. Here are some ways we've done this.
4) Our church provides themed packets or coloring/activity pages for kids to complete and this is really helpful when they can listen to the songs and find a correlating picture and cross off as we sing, I don't get how much longer, or are we done yet. One neat technique I've recently found is to give non reading kids 4-6 words, tell them what they are, and have them tally how many times they hear them during the meeting. All of this helps them focus. (I actually create the themed packets so I'll do a future post of ideas and ways to engage our kids.)
5) When our children were between ages 2-5 or 6 (the non reading stage) we allowed toys that were special to church to come, that didn't make noise, and could last a long time- traditionally STEM type toys- Wendy's restaurant gave out, and you could build with, and they didn't take up much space.
6) Fidgets, we still allow at ages up to 13, but I'd allow my 17 a fidget if he needed it, as long as they are quiet. There are several versions of wood cubes with elastic stringing it together, these are quiet and even I like to fidget with them. We also like Tangle It Jr., any bendy figures, my daughter puts a hair rubber-band on her wrist and fidgets with that, as well as Wooly Willy tiny size (they come from birthday party favors). I also carry small colored pencils, a small notebook, and a word find, as I have older kids. The picture to the right is what I have in my bible purse now. I change it a few times a year. We often share with kids around us. And you should know gum provides deep sensory input so it helps kids sit better. 7) We also love biblical coloring books as well. The picture is from a 5 by 7 book that I currently have in my bible purse. I use gel pens to color it, and I color in the car too on long trips. My kids color at church, I normally take notes at church. This is just a start of some ideas we've used. I'll keep adding as I post about Worship with children. I have tips on what our children have read and brought as readers to Big Church, as well as the types of activities that we have done before a meeting, or if they are so wound, they need to be taken out of a meeting, to get all the wiggles out and sit better. Of course, I am the mom that with our child in kinship care, let him at age 6 or 7 sit upside down with his feet in the air for a meeting, while I held one leg, and our college student friend, who this child adored, held the other. Months later, he retold the whole sermon to someone who was using it as an illustration and thought Paul and the snake and at sea might be too obscure for him to know about. Kids can listen and move, color, etc. Not all kids, but many will do better with these tools.
1)Prepare by teaching your kids why you worship, who you worship, what the expectations are, where it all happens, how it happens, and when it happens (and how the expectations change.) This is the theological and practical mix, that will change based on your church, your personality, and your preferences. 2) Prepare for Sundays, starting during the week.
teach your children why you value church.
teach your children what worship is.
talk about what you learned, were challenged by, or how you grew after attending church.
get clothes, shoes, schedules aligned for how the WHOLE family will get ready, have breakfast, and get out the door without frustration or running late. (on Saturday)
in my house this means Dad does his thing first, and is just present in the great room while the kids come in and out according to their normal routine.
our kids follow the same order we do for school. Mom helps the kids at the same level and order as she does on a school or work day. Our kids have a staggered breakfast, bathing, dress routine once they are awake. We change as little as we can from the other days of the week.
Mom follows her normal routine, which is getting up, getting the kitchen ready or making breakfast, waking children, combing hair, helping etc.
We take two cars on weeks where we aren't all ready at the same time to lessen the stress.
Church bags are packed the night before and set out. (or whatever you find acceptable- some families want their kids to have nothing because they listen better that way, others only a bible and notebook, and others say if you can be more pleasant and listen better with resources, that's fine- You the parent determine what you can live with.)
snacks and beverages as needed are prepared. (my 9 and 13 year old bring Pop these days- it's a treat and it helps their attitude, and all the adults bring in all kinds of beverages so why not!-we want happy, joyous kids)
coloring books, fun gel pens (tweens), bibles, quiet fidgets, gum or mints.
no matter what the age- my children brought a Bible- a storybook one, an early reader one, a graphic novel version, etc. It was based on their reading level and motivation to focus during the main meeting. If they were older, but not ready to sit quietly and listen or take notes and listen- they brought an age appropriate bible to read if they weren't ready to engage the whole time.
if possible, coloring or activity books are biblically driven, reminding the kids this is a time to focus on Who God is and respond with joy from knowing Him. We know have packets or coloring pages for our weekly themes and verses at church.
AWANA books are okay to work on too. They focus on God's Word..
Mom and Dad stuff is also sitting there. If I'm teaching Sunday School my bags are packed and ready, no getting stuff on Sunday morning.
some families have church bibles that live in the vehicle so they don't get lost.
Plan who sits where when you get to church. Plan WHERE you will sit if you don't have one place, if that place is closer to the front to lower distractions, explain that. Our kids knew if their friends were sitting near our normal location, we would go to the other side and sit near childless couples, singles, etc. We sit about half way to the front because I have to leave early for Sunday School and I don't want to move from the very front. Midway is way less distracting. (we used to plan that a child could leave early or had to stay with Dad so we didn't have a problem.)
Expectations need to be proactive. You've met your children. You've experienced the horrible weeks where you are exhausted trying to manage and respond to all the antics of your children in the meeting.
i.e. our two oldest cannot sit next to one another without issues, so we leave an empty chair between them. We used to assign turns for sitting by Mom to avoid the fight.
we've invited college students to join our row and sit between children to help their attention be on their big buddy who already sits well- rather than a sibling.
we've had a back up plan with a good friend who is single and stern, and offered that a child who doesn't want to follow my lead, can go sit with him. (they do not want to do this.) Other times we've had grandparent friends who have no grandkids near them sit near us or take one of our kids to sit with them- they think all the helps, wonders, comments, and questions an 8 year old boy has are completely charming, and said boy loved being helpful and holding a hymn book or his bible for his special friends who are enamored.
3) Pray about it. Read the Word. Meditate on the theme/passage that week. Think aloud any wonders, connections, thoughts you may have with your family. Let the Holy Spirit guide you and prepare you for worship. The kids are way less distracting when you are already engaged and ready to praise God.
4) Be prepared for failure, weeks that you wonder where you went wrong, and if part of the problem is your attitude, ask your kids for a do over next Sunday and to forgive you for ________. Know we all have a story of a child embarassing us when they were creating havoc! Mine is my nephew at age 5, when I refused to carry him at events, saying so loudly the whole church heard him, Aunt Sarah YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T LIFT ME! as I carried him out. And my other memory is of our middle kiddo- asking about 5 minutes in, a little too loudly, is it over now? (because someone prayed and that's always how we end!)
Be prepared this can work!! You can think your child was so distracting and loud, and have a parent of teens, say after the meeting- I can't believe how good your children sat, how quiet- my kids NEVER were so good, and he was sitting NEXT to the most annoying child. It's all perspective.
Over time it will become a habit and more joyful as you learn to sit and attend together. The weeks where you child sings along, or is humming Jesus loves me, or asks a random but unbelievable question about God that connects to what is going on-- WRITE it down- so you remember.
5) Prepare to praise your kids for IMPROVEMENT- and growth- not perfection or your high expectations. We are asking a lot when we ask kids to sit in seats made for adults, in a quiet or nearly silent room, that is full of their peers too and pay attention to a grown up for way more minutes than we know their brains can handle.
Children are naturally curious. Children are innate observers and imitators of those people around them. Children love being allowed to be a 'big kid' and join the adults, when it is presented as a privilege. But how does your home make going to church feel?
Perspective is everything. The glass is half empty or the glass is half full. We HAVE...... to go to church vs we GET to go to church. What perspective do your children glean from your attitude and actions about attending meetings of the local church?
Scenario One:
Do they see the joy, the effort you will put into preparation, and the thrill of going to worship the Lord?
OR
Do they see you snoozing the alarm a few too many times, running around looking for what the family needs, with a shrill response to any questions or demands your spouse or children make?
OR
Is the car ride to the meeting one of correction, frustration, anger or apologies for the rush, the demands, the hurry up, we can't be LATE?
Scenario Two:'
'
Saturday night:
Do you stay up late watching a movie as a family? playing games? and putting everyone to bed a little later since church doens't start as early as school or work does, and we get to sleep in.
OR
Do you discuss in the evening, whose showering tonight? and whose showering in the morning? Great- what time will we each need to be in the shower by so we can all be ready on time?
What are you wearing for church tomorrow? Can you lay out (or mom will lay out and you help) your clothes including your socks, undies, and shoes. With your bible or church bag waiting in the mudroom door.
Scenario Three:
Child (as it is already past time to leave for church) , "I don't want to go to church. It's boring, it's quiet, the people behind us smell funny...."
Adult response: "Tough, we are going to church." OR "You know I'm tired too- let's stay home" OR
Adult response: "It's not boring, it's worshiping God with our friends." OR
Adult response: "I'm sorry you feel that way, we will talk about why we go to church, how to make it more interesting in the ride over and at lunch today, and we can change where we sit today."
Later: Adult- what about church is boring? do you know why we go? Do you know that I consider church very important because I want to worship God and thank/praise Him for all that He has done for me and continues to do, and I love learning about who God is every time we gather with other believers at church."
Thinking: did the child say it's boring because- they don't know why you go? to make you mad because you've rushed them today? to see if they can tip the scale and get you to stay home today? What is the child's motivation behind the question. We had one child who just had to complain about everything we made him do, and by the time we got there he accepted it and was pleasant, because we had pursued the motive behind his words and discussed our reasoning.
Robbie Castleman is the author of the main book you'll find about including children in worship. She first published the book in 1993, then in 2002, and her newest version which is revised and expanded is 2013. Published by IVP (Intervarsity Press). It's a good resource on including children in worship, and I'll do a review of the book in another post.
But what I want you to notice is her subtitle: guiding your children into the joy of worship. I think this is the perspective that most parents loose in the Sunday morning, often very sanctifying job of getting the whole family ready and out the door to church on time and ready for the full morning. JOY is why we go- it's a joy to go to church and celebrate God. And children love a good celebration. So make Sundays not just sacred but special.
Here's a perspective that I shared in the discussion of children in worship with our leadership.
One thing that I have found in all the research is: since Corporate Worship is important to you the parent- and therefore to your children- Your attitude is everything. Children need to hear the excitement, the joy, that you bring to attending the meetings of the local church.
So often we let the stress of getting the whole family out the door together, on what many view as a 'sleep in' day, make the transition to church be one of stress and fear for children.
So we need to work to prepare for this most important time together in our week, by having joyful attitudes, and prepare so that the morning can be calm, joyous, and fun. Just as this new change has been prayed over and planned-- so do our weekly plans to meet together. Our actions show what is important to us- and to our children. And our children follow suit. If we are excited and prepared, they join in.
Here are some practical ways to make this happen:
1) Make Sunday's a celebration EVERY week. Help your child to see that attending the meetings of the church are central to YOUR life, and talk about it as a joy, have an attitude that is displayed of heading to a celebration, party, joyous event. When your children know something is important to you, they will adopt that attitude.
2) Prepare your children of the routine or order of the morning. Main church (some call it big church), Sunday School, then home for lunch. OR Sunday school, then coffee time, then Big church. What's the plan for the day. It also helps to share the service order, bulletin, routine, even with visuals for the children to follow.
3) Prepare your heart for worship, by reading about the topic, theme, or assigned passages, so that you can respond in worship. Even better if you share the theme, verse or passage with your family and prepare the children to listen with intent with a question or wonder they have after reading the Word together.
Another helpful resource is Truth 78's blog. It focuses on how parents can raise up the next generation as godly people.
Here is a link to an article called Keep Your Children in Worship for Worship at the end of the post, there is a link for 8 tips for helping your child worship. It's a nice half page, front and back tip sheet.
I love this quote, and I am thankful my parents included me in worship as a child, teaching me it was the Breaking of Bread weekly that was central to gathering together as a local church weekly.
Worship is the most valuable thing a human can do. The cumulative effect of 650 worship services spent with Mom and Dad between the ages of 4 and 17 is incalculable.
We are evaluating our meetings at my local church, and the new plan is to include our children in more of the adult services. This has given our community pause because we have 40 children between ages 2-5. The new meeting is planned to be 75 minutes and the expectation is that children who are in the nursery will have nursery, but those age 3 and up will stay with their parents. So I've been researching and review the concept of children in worship. I've also been creating lessons for our grade 1 and 2 class on what worship is, why we break bread, how we use this time. So it's all coming together!
I ordered this book which is published by Christian Focus with a 2016 copyright, and I had read somewhere that this was a newer version of Parenting in the Pew a book that actually has been published three times. I'd read the first version years ago when my oldest was a toddler. He's 17. I'll share from that book another post.
I enjoyed this book. I'd give it four out of 5 stars.
Let me share what I liked about it:
90 page book, so it's not a long read. Broken into 7 chapters.
Chapters have headings and subheadings.
Every chapter ends with a conclusion, making it helpful for the reader to comprehend.
It is rich with scripture quotes and references.
It's reality based- his presupposition is just getting to church is a big deal for most families. Let alone sitting together quietly for an hour or more.
His thesis for worship and including children remind us that: all we do must be grounded in the Word of God or biblical, our worship be with joy, as well as reverence, edifying, and praise based. We treasure worship and communing with God, and our actions and attitudes should show the joy and value this plays in our lives to our children.
He's positive and encouraging in his tone, motivating the reader to remember- God created us for worship, it's the purpose of the church gathering, because it marks our identity as believers.
He shares that parents need to work with their children on this, but he also teaches that the congregation, leadership, and church community need to be supportive and helpful.
What I wasn't as fond of:
not sure the audience of this book-
written to academic or theologically educated people, perhaps even of Reformed Denomination? (first chapters)
Later chapters are more to parents/lay people, there are a lot of theological terms that may not be in the reader's regular vocabulary, and might have served the reader better with definitions, footnotes, or connections.
Covenant Community (we don't use this term in my local church)
Ordains, sacraments
not sure how all parents will feel about his plan that suggests children don't have anything with them for the meeting to help their active engagement.
he suggests it's not doodling time, or even note taking time, as it can be a distraction.
he suggests that all children can learn to sit with the help of their parents and focus directly.
We know that there are different learning styles, and different types of children.
I prefer to teach parents to know their child, and figure out what will work best for their children at each age and stage, with their learning styles, activity level, and needs.
I prefer a view that remembers that a child can be sitting on the floor drawing, or even make a tower of his color wonder markers, but still hear the speaker, the songs, the testimonies, the Word of God, and be thinking about it. And he might be listening better than a child the same age forced to sit in the chair and look at the leaders for the whole time.
I don't equate sitting, looking attentive, standing, singing, etc to real worship, learning, or growth for all adults or children. Some of us need to move, some need to take notes to be processing, some color or knit so that they CAN focus, some need to be on the floor to be less distracting. Some chew gum, have a snack, or sip water. I bring fidgets that are quiet and can be manipulated while attending to the meeting.
As we are considering children in worship at our local church, I shared a Book Report with my elders. If you click on the link you can see a pdf of my notes on the book.
This book is amazing. Ann Voskamp featured Matthew Paul Turner on her front porch, as she often does, and he shares the meaning and motivation behind this book. I love her description that this book bring heart- bursting joy, that is a great way of explaining how the reader feels. I find this book to be a living example of 1 Thessalonians 5:17- how to "pray without ceasing."
The book begins with this page....
and here are the other sample pages that I can share... some are proofs and some are larger print and smaller images to give you a sense of the book. The whimsy that it's written with, and the tone and levels of prayers mentioned, such depth and knowledge of God shows forth throughout the story.
Below I will share some connections that I can see being made with your children about prayer if you have the book.
Throughout the book there will be opportunities for the following conversations:
Types of prayers (Both big and small, whisper)
When and where you can pray (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
What love means (God's love- John 3:16, I John 4:10, Romans 8:38)
Thanking God (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
Being prayed over (as we learned from how Jesus was in constant prayer in all situations)
Adults needing prayer too, dependent on our Great Big In Control God.
Thinking- Mindset being positive (Living in Christ- Galatians 2:20)
Prayers when emotions come and go, in activities, and throughout all of life prayer
Character, values, and GRIT
Morals or doing the right thing
Future dreams and reality, relationships (1 John 4:7)
In all the phases of a child, tween, teen life- the fun, the real, and the stretching of soaring from home. .
Choice to follow God's plan or to make your own. To live life as a prayer to God. (John 15:7)
All about God's character, nature, worth, who He is.
God's story becoming your child's story-
I think this is my favorite line.
"That the story God writes is the one that you tell."
Becoming like God.
Shining God's Light. (John 8:12)
God's perspective for His children and that His big perspective comes to be in your child.
Choice- hope vs. fear, when you don't know what to do or what choice to make.
For life purpose, meaning and role in God's plan
God's unconditional love for His children.
Verses that fit with the book:
Ephesians 6:18 “Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,”
Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
Psalm 145:18 “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”
John 14:12-13“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son."
Psalm 34:15: “The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry.”
This book... oh-- this is a bedtime book for sure. This is one that your child will remember, repeat, and likely you will memorize. But it will be so worth it. This book has beautiful illustrations, a soothing rhythm, brings tears to your eyes, and a smile to your heart! And even teens and tweens find their page in the story. Oh and this book embraces #diversity and #special needs children. I'm so excited about it! For Parents, it brings all the emotions of a being a parent to the surface. Then it adds in the new sense of trusting God with your whole heart for that child. As well as sharing with your child the love, care, and dependence you have through Prayer. Throughout the book it shows how praying to our Great Big God has the expectation of His power and response in our lives. It really makes God personal. It shares that, as you pray for their lives, you have such a sense of awe and joy for the God whom you know personally. That both you and your child need Our Heavenly Father right there, helping us and guiding us in Spirit and Truth. What a blessing Matthew Paul Turner's new book will be to so many hearts, minds, and souls. It's a pretty amazing book with wonderful illustrations, that are so relevant to a kids life- swimming, light sabers, twirling, kicking a ball,...and it even rhymes. It reaches across the ages with the line, "when you're no longer a child but not yet a teen." Sharing prayers through the fun of life and the struggles. It's sure to be a hit in any home, children of color, a child in a wheelchair, illustrations that come alive! Illustrator Kimberley Barnes from Bright Agency creates the images that are warm, vibrant, and draw you in. Pre-order by February 18th, from ANY retailer and you will get When God Made Light, Matthew Paul Turner's Second Book for free!! I had the privilege of launching it too and wrote two posts about it. Sneak Peek- read the first few pages here.
